Relationships

Men Know How To Love, Women Don’t

BlogPostSo I’ve come to the conclusion that men don’t know anything except how to love and women know everything EXCEPT how to love, or so we think of course. Funny how life works because when you ask someone how a woman loves, what’s the first word they mention? Nurture. As women we’re able to see what you don’t see in yourself. We’re able to see the man you can be while ignoring the boy you are currently. We care and encourage in hope you’ll become the person we know, or should I say feel, you’re capable of being. You would think this was the right way to love, but it’s not. It means most of the time our love is based on illusions and possibilities. Totally ignoring what is and chasing what can be, which is why we always hit so hard in love. We are capable of genuinely loving a goddamn idea then become a wrecked mess when the present never reached the potential. On the other hand, men MASTERMIND then go after theirs. Wayne would be proud. They think shit through before they even THINK about lending out their hearts. Fuck who she could be, who is she now? Of course they think about what kind of mother or wife she might be later, but that shit doesn’t matter right now. You don’t see niggas trying to “better” women right off back. If she’s a bum b*tch, she’s just a bum b*tch. There’s no, “let me turn this bum b*tch into someone great.” Okay Im giving too much in the intro, let’s break this down.

blogpost1If you look up the person that said this, it’s probably a guy or a girl that grew up around nothing but guys. Women are soooo quick to give away their hearts. So quick to prove they’re loyal. So quick to prove they’re “different.” So quick to show a nigga she’s wife material & “not like these other bitches.” So quick to put all 12 eggs in his fucking basket. BRUH. Do you see guys selling themselves like a used car? Making bullet lists of why they’re the best boyfriend ever? Telling you what they would do if they were yours? Okay some of them do do that, but that’s the same nigga asking if you got a KIK so we’ll overlook that. It’s like this happens with every guy, after every heartbreak. One heartbreak is enough for guys to be cautious. Ask a 45 year old man how many times he’s been in love. its gonna be twice – A girl from his younger days and his current wife. Guys love in moderation. You get a piece of his heart here and there until they’re sure you’re capable of handling the whole thing. They’re looking for someone to be down for them, not LOOKING for someone to be down for. Yall dont hear me. 😔 reread that sentence pls. *waits* you see how that changes things? Look for someone that’ll be down for you THEN decide to be down for them in return. Don’t just offer your loyalty and time like you donating clothes. These niggas are not charities.

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This guy in the picture is trying to have a real conversation and get to know her and she’s probably mad his nose is shaped like a ranch Dorito so now their first kid might get picked on in school – problem is….it’s the first date. Women, including myself, love to look past what’s in front of them, I swear. Why are you thinking further than the most expensive thing on the menu? Im sure guys don’t picture how y’all kids would look on the first date. Matter of fact, let’s be honest. He’s picturing your legs in the air, or if you got big nipples because those turn him off. We grown, so Im gonna say what I want: Think about the same shit! Not what little Bobby will look like. Is his penis print worth emoji heart eyes? (sorry for the guys reading), Is his chest hairy? Does he have enough money to pay for the date or you gotta split the bill? Why are you rushing? We gotta get out of our heads ladies. We gotta stop painting pictures. Because there’s no in between with guys. You’re either in a relationship doing relationship shit or you’re not in a relationship doing not-in-a-relationship shit. You’ve painted how your entire life would look with this man 7 years from now & now mentally you guys are in this great ass relationship and he doesn’t even know if he wants a relationship with you yet. Yikes. & that leads me to my next point:

amenkno

Guys categorize. They know every girl is not a potential gf so they put us in categories (potential gf, friend, potential sex) – yes girls get friend zoned too. Once they figure out you won’t end up being their gf, do they try to MAKE you potential gf material? NO. They figure you’d still be some good in the other two categories. Women will take a man that’s not even boyfriend material, & make a project out of trying to MAKE him be a good boyfriend. However, this is also the result of not knowing the difference between DATING and HANGING OUT/BEING A TEXTING BUDDY. I remember in HS this girl told me, “y’all not talking until y’all kiss” & for some reason that’s pretty legit. lmao. Ladies, think more of yourself to where you KNOW everyone does not deserve to be your dude. Everyone does not deserve your heart, love, time, energy, etc. GUYS know this & they probably save themselves a heartbreak or two by categorizing. Somehow society has convinced everyone that a woman is a hoe if she decides she doesn’t want to be loyal to a guy she’s not in a relationship with. How the hell did we let THAT happen? So because I don’t want to put all my eggs in your basket, or give you loyalty you havent even earned because we’re still in a situationship instead of a relationship, Im considered a hoe? Fuck outta here. That’s you playing with CONTROL. No girl should have to PROVE she’s worthy. Like who the fuck are you? I will prove you wont regret making me your girl when you prove that’s who you want me to be. “She talk to like 5 niggas” “Is she fucking all of them?” “na, she dont have casual sex, I tried” “damn 5 niggas though? she still a hoe.” BITCH YOU SOUND FOOLISH & who cares what you think anyway? a real queen doesn’t need validation & we define ourselves. Im not Eminem, I am not whatever the fuck you say I am. Talking to one person while you’re single is a dangerous thing, and the heart is an easy target. 

blogpost4No matter how he feels about you – he comes first. Sometimes literally. It is rare that your happiness will come BEFORE his when it makes him absolutely unhappy. It’s either:

  • He’s happy, you’re happy
  • He’s happy, you’re unhappy
  • He’s content, you’re happy
  • He’s unhappy, you’re unhappy

There’s no “you’re happy, he’s unhappy.” Shit is not happening like that. He’s either gonna be content with whatever it is he had to do to make you happy or the shit’s not going down. Women love to “make their king happy.” Most times even when it makes her unhappy, she’s going to do it to make him smile. One, never be selfish with yourself. IDC if you’re the most selfish person on earth, never be selfish when it comes to YOU. Cause when or if that relationship ends who’s still stuck with you? Yourself. You first, then him. No matter how in love you are because if he loves you too he’ll never make you do anything that makes you completely unhappy just to make him happy anyway.

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Women never jumped on this bandwagon because there’s so many “a nigga gonna be a nigga” mentalities in the female community (Im actually exempt from this one, ladies. Yall got that cause a nigga of MINE aint gonna be doing the average nigga shit) Like I mentioned earlier, we ignore the boy you are currently and fall in love with the man you have potential to be. Women ignore the fact you’re a freak in the streets AND the sheets. They ignore the fact every bitch know what its like to have you “as long as they got you now.” You know why, “never turn a hoe into a housewife” is a REAL thing? Because guys made a big deal out of it. LIVED by it. No way they getting laughed at. No way they want to be making breakfast in bed for the girl the whole street had sex with. No way they rawing or cumming in community vagina. So why do girls do it? You commit to these male hoes AND sometimes even put them before your girls. Stop giving guys excuses to be whores by saying “a nigga gonna be a nigga.” Treat these niggas how they treat us; dont turn hoes into house husbands then you can stop complaining on Twitter about how he keeps cheating on you. Cause a hoe gonna be a hoe regardless, no matter the gender.

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Honestly, what I’m about to say is my favorite fucking thing about the way a man loves & one day I can only hope I can man up when it comes to matters of the heart. A man’s love is CONDITIONAL. You gotta think about it, unconditional love does not exist on Earth. We’re too human for that shit. But a woman will strive so hard to love a man unconditionally, only to be embarrassed and drained at the end. Men can totally forget how they feel and remember what they truly believe they deserve (even if they not shit they somehow feel they deserve soooo much better). This is important. There’s no chance, after chance, after chance, after chance, after chance with men. Eventually it’s gonna be “you had your chance, now I’m giving her a chance.” You can be the only girl they ever loved and they will still let your ass go. Men know how to let go despite love. despite time. despite history. They have more of “if you love it, let it go. if it comes back then you know” mentality when things are super rocky. To them it’s not “giving up” it’s seeing if the relationship is really meant to be because if it is then the arguments are worth it but if it’s not, “why should I keep arguing with your ass? You not even supposed to be my b*tch!”

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Soooo, I wrote all of this to show how the way a man loves can prevent so many heartbreaks while the way a woman loves can actually cause them. Guys think before they give away their hearts. They think long and hard. They don’t go into things expecting to be married with two kids. They learn from their heartbreaks and they love in moderation. They look for someone that’s all about them, not someone they can be all about; it’s them THEN us. They categorize and know every girl is not a potential girl to give their heart to. They don’t put all their eggs in one basket and they make you prove yourself before they give their most vital organ away. So don’t think like a man, LOVE like one!

Fun movie clip about love:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f2OnuryBdM

Thanks for reading! Email comments to: Candicemccoy420@yahoo.com

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7 Comment

  1. Reply
    charitys92
    July 28, 2014 at 1:41 am

    This is so true. We will build marriages, divorces, have children, go through funerals, have pets, lose jobs, and everything else before the first date. Definitely going to tweak my mindset to better suit my needs. Candice, I love this post girl. Keep going!

    1. Reply
      candicemccoy420
      June 12, 2015 at 1:31 am

      Thanks mamas!

  2. Reply
    mcarter
    July 28, 2014 at 2:28 am

    By far one of my favorite blogs ever! This post was everything!!

    1. Reply
      candicemccoy420
      June 12, 2015 at 1:31 am

      Awww! Awesome, thank you!

  3. Reply
    teke west
    July 28, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    TOUCHE’!

    1. Reply
      candicemccoy420
      June 12, 2015 at 1:32 am

      🙂

  4. […] is, we’re no stranger to the saying. The problem is, we act like it. If you remember my post “Men Know How To Love, Women Don’t” then you remember reading about the fact that guys love in moderation. I even shared that they make […]

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