Self-Love

*Cries in Powerful Black Girl*

Black girl

We’re the most misunderstood people on the planet because everyone thinks we don’t need anything or anyone. We do. If anything, we need people more than anyone else to remind us that we’re human and to remind us that there are genuine people who want us for us only and not because of our accomplishments or what we have going on. My heart is big and I can be a little naive when it comes to it sometimes. Every time someone comes into my life, I think they’re in it to stand back to back with me and go to war if need be. It never occurred to me that people will come into my life to solely bask in the glory and drain me of my energy. The thing with powerful black girls? we all think everyone would love to have us. We all think we’re the girl that everyone strives to be, strives to be around, or strives to have. Yet Taraji P. Henson out here talking about she doesn’t claim anyone because no one claims her. Who the hell wouldn’t want to claim Taraji?!

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The men intimidated by her, that’s who. The powerful black girl is a threat to other girls and even a threat to men..or his ego I should say. They tell her she’s doing too much. They tell her she’s not doing enough. They ask her who do she think she is. Then they tell her she’s not anyone important. They tell her they’re going to ride no matter what. Then they leave at the first sight of trouble. I’m always treated like a trophy. “She survived a tragedy and went straight to school afterwards. She’s strong. Look at her. Yep thats MY best friend.” “She bought her own BMW for her 21st birthday. She’s a boss. Look at her. Yep, that’s my niece.” “She’s about to graduate from Howard U. She’s amazing. Look at her. Yep that’s my gf.” “She has a dope blog and an event coming up. She lit. Look at her. Yep, that’s my cousin.” Sometimes I feel like I’m just something to put on people’s shelves while everyone comes in and look at me. “Can I touch her?” “Does she talk?” “What do you feed her?”  Take me off this gotdamn shelf, take this ribbon of my damn neck and love on me for once. Don’t be scared of me. Don’t be intimidated by me.

LOVE ME. Because in all honesty, this is only the beginning.

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It’s important to me to be in a healthy relationship without having to downplay who I am or what Im capable of. It’s important to me that my man is comfortable enough to support me without feeling like he’s less than a man. It’s important to me for people to know that I cry too. I fail as well. & I like for people to root for me also. I’m always the person who no one ever cheers for. Not because they think I don’t deserve it but because they think I don’t need it. Sometimes I feel like it’s literally just gonna be me and all my millions, word to Drake. Sometimes I settle for guys that don’t deserve to be entertained because I just want the love, I don’t care how many degrees you’re working towards or what grad schools you got into. But that only create more problems because for a relationship to work, we have to see the world in a similar way. Be on the same page. Or at least the same chapter.

Guys like to feel needed and I won’t ever fucking NEED one and every guy I entertain notices and hate me for it. or even worse…try to compete.

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For all of the powerful black girls, don’t be like the old me: settling just for the sake of love. Get a man that’s on your level or not too far from it. Waiting is always the hard part but why NOT wait for what will be perfect for you? Why keep going on date after date, lowering your guns each time? As a powerful black girl, you really have to treat your love like your kingdom and rule with an iron fist. Nobody is allowed in the fucking castle until he proves he’s your knight in shining armor coming to claim his crown as your king. You’re lonely so you’re letting the peasants in. What can he do for you? Besides stress you with his so-far-left bullshit? You don’t need to be stressed, you have things to do! You can’t make money laid up in the bed ignoring phone calls because you rather blow up Derek’s phone because he stood you up last night. Be with someone who matches you financially, emotionally, and mentally. Someone that you’re proud of. Someone you respect and don’t mind following because you know he’s capable of leading. Opposites attract but not that damn opposite. You love to travel, build, and read but he looks at you like you’re dumb because you want to go to Africa and he say some ignorant shit like “you’re going to be naked in a hut drinking dirty water” because he watches too much tv. or you ask him why he doesn’t go to church and he says “because the preacher just wants my money” as if 1. that has anything to do with his personal relationship with God or 2. The pastor said you can’t come in if you don’t pay your tithes & as if his ass even owns a bible. Do yourself a favor and let him stress the next girl and wait your turn. Like I love to say, STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF AND YOUR STANDARDS because guys are distractions. Always. You might as well keep investing in your new business, keep expanding your brand, keep doing well in your classes, keep writing your book, keep stacking your money until a man who deserves for you to take your attention off what’s important comes along. BUT whatever you do, don’t cry that you’re single doing it. 


Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave comments.

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4 Comment

  1. Reply
    Naudia foster
    July 14, 2016 at 1:14 pm

    This was freaking amazing ! I needed this !

  2. Reply
    Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life
    July 14, 2016 at 1:35 pm

    “It’s important to me to be in a healthy relationship without having to downplay who I am or what I’m capable of. ”

    YES. Compromise is the nature of good relationships but that does not mean compromising your integrity, your capacity to grow, or your self image. Be you and if the right man comes along, you’ll know because he will love you just as you are, and never ask you to change what makes you YOU.

  3. Reply
    Leanne
    July 17, 2016 at 4:58 pm

    Yes! Yes! Yes! Girl you better preach!

    I’ve been single a hot minute and people are always telling me I’m too fussy, I need give more people a chance and blah, blah, blah. But like you I’m done playing down my greatness for me who feel intimidated by me or want to compete with, or worse still keep me in some imagined place he believes I belong. Nah, hell naw!

    I relate to everything you’ve said in this post and I really related to “I’m always the person who no one ever cheers for. Not because they think I don’t deserve it but because they think I don’t need it”

    It can be difficult and exhausting but I still refuse to settle!

    Another great article!

    1. Reply
      candicemccoy420
      July 17, 2016 at 5:00 pm

      Thanks for reading Leanne!

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