It amazes me how I often visit blogs that aren’t geared towards real life experiences or real life troubles but they ALWAYS have at least one post where they step away from the fashion, music, or celebrity gossip to write about something they’re going through. It never fails. Any time I choose to do a blog review on these kinds of sites, that is the kind of post I always choose; I love the realness of them and I love how I often relate to them. It tells me that the topic moved them so much that they had to step out of their usual box to write about it. I live for those, and The Absence Of My Father Haunts Me is one of Jourdan Ash’s standout posts. It’s the post that got her to put music, thrifting, and Harlem aside and face the fact she misses her father.
Just like me, Jourdan, Drake, and a lot of other brown girls and brown boys, daddy was either never there or he didn’t stay. Drake considers it the typical “black American dad story” but I consider it one of the worst things that could ever happen to a child. In my post, Issues That Leak Like Nosebleeds I shared that eventually it all comes pouring out of you…like a nosebleed. You put so much emphasis on not giving people a reason to blame your actions on your daddy issues that you end up suppressing them. Plot twist: suppressing them only made them come out in different ways.
It’s been about 14 years since Jourdan spoke to her dad. It’s been 4 years since I spoke to mine, but before those 4 years it had been 8. My mom had just died the last time we spoke so he showed his face, and we haven’t talked since. I wonder how long it’s been since Drake spoke to his? I don’t want this to be the story of every black child. Of course it’s no secret that black men are usually stripped from their families due to a system that often sets them up for drugs, jail or just plain ole feeling useless because that same system has taught the black woman that she doesn’t need her black man and neither does her kids.
Dear fathers, we get it but we need you. So yes, we forgive you. & yes, we miss you.
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Thanks for reading!