Quick Reads

Major Key: How To Deal With People When You Have A Big Heart

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It’s pretty hard out here for the big-hearted people in this generation. If they’re not placeholders on the verge of being replaced by someone who doesn’t care nearly as much as they do then they’re somewhere being taken advantage of. They haven’t learned how to deal with people without feeling the need to rip their hearts off their sleeves and tuck them in their back pockets. They haven’t learned that “no” is a legitimate answer or that no one really deserves 4th and 5th chances. Most people with big hearts tend to think the grass is greener on the heartless side and they’re probably on their 87th attempt at turning “cold.”

I’ve always prided myself on having a heart of gold. I’ve also been the one whose heart had her ready to quit the game and go sit in the corner because no one was playing fair. However, I learned that having a big heart will never be a bad thing and

 Here are the major keys to living in a cold world yet still maintaining your warmth:

Trust yourself more than you trust others:

It’s important that you become so in tune with yourself that you know what feels right and what feels wrong. Trust yourself enough to trust your own instinct more than someone’s words. Don’t be so eager to trust someone so blindly that you put everything past them.

Standing up for yourself will not get you kicked out of the Big Heart Club:

A lot of people think having a big heart means they have to accept and forgive everyone for damn near everything. I know you don’t want to look like the “bad guy” but you don’t want to look like a pussy who can be walked all over either. Standing up for yourself only proves that you demand to be respected and treated the same way you treat others.

Don’t leave your mind behind when following your heart:

If you have a big heart then you probably run on emotions often; you look at situations based on how you feel about the person. Even if it’s not someone you’re in love with, it’s probably someone you care about. It’s important that you know when it’s time to leave the emotions behind and think about things logically. 2+2 doesn’t always have to equal love, souls, and energy; sometimes, the answer is simply 4.

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Sometimes bad terms are necessary:

A big-hearted person’s favorite thing to do is forgive. It doesn’t matter if that person actually deserves it or not, he/she just hates being on bad terms with people. They’re so quick to forgive without even weighing the pros and cons of giving this person another chance. Forgiving someone simply means you have no ill feelings towards them. It doesn’t mean, “you deserve another opportunity to disappoint me.” You can’t be on good terms with everyone; if they only deserve your love from a distance then so be it.

Stop loving the cold-hearted people:

I know they say opposites attract but when it comes to matters of the heart, learn how to love those who love in the same way you do. Learn how to love someone who loves just as deeply instead of someone who refuse to allow themselves to get carried away. The kind of love you give is the kind that should always be reciprocated.

Stop falling for the same old tricks:

What’s the saying? When someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time. May Ms. Angelou’s soul rest in peace. She taught us about true colors yet we’re still trying to paint people over. Big-hearted people fall for the same old tricks from the same old people because they can see the good in everyone. It’s great to be able to see the angel in a devil but only if you can also tell when the devil is only wearing an angel’s mask.

No one respects 4th & 5th chances:

Everyone knows it’s 3 strikes and you’re out. After a while your “I’m done” tantrums will fall on deaf ears.  Your ultimatums will be a joke. Your demands will be laughed at. By the time you’re about to give them their 22nd chance, they’re probably going to just leave the situation on their own because it’s become way too easy to walk all over you.

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Stop giving all of you, all the time:

I’m a very passionate person so anything I have my name attached to is receiving all of me. From my career to my love life, I put my mind, heart, and soul into anything that’s close to my heart. Plot twist: you shouldn’t be letting everything get that close to your heart. Learn how to refrain from giving your all by not becoming so attached to it so early.

No is in the dictionary:

Say it with me. “No, N-O, N-O spells no.” Practice saying it. Make it apart of your vocabulary. Use it regularly. It’s simple: if you want to do it then say yes but if you don’t want to do it, say no.

Most importantly, don’t change:

The world will try to convince you that you can only survive in it if you’re cold, heartless, and low on emotions. The world needs you. The world would be chaos without the kind of love that pours out of your big heart. Your love has healed someone. Your love has kept someone alive. Your love has motivated someone to keep going. I know you’ve been used, taken advantage of, or even felt like no one loved you back but don’t change. From one big-heart to another, God blesses you off your heart alone.


Thanks for reading!

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11 Comment

  1. Reply
    Chandra D.
    January 18, 2016 at 1:33 am

    I love your tips! I am a giver with a big heart. I find that many people tend to play on that then start to act even more needier. Then they start to act like you are obligated to do as if the choice is no longer yours. 2015 has made me see that people will only do what you allow them to do, so 2016 I created conditions to put myself first. I dont feel bad to say no, and i dont feel obligated to do things for no one. If the relationship stop once the giving is over, there was never a real relationship.

    Here is one of the “giving” projects I am working on in 2016. http://mynewphilly.com/warm-hearts-and-homes-gives-a-new-home-to-a-family-in-need-givelovegetlove/

    1. Reply
      Life in a Pile
      January 30, 2016 at 7:39 am

      Definitely! People can get very comfortable with your kindness & begin to act like you owe them. Good luck with your project!

  2. Reply
    The Femme Lifestyle
    January 19, 2016 at 1:48 am

    Proud owner of a heart of gold! Thank you for this, I need to remember Its not a crime to say “no”.

    1. Reply
      Life in a Pile
      January 30, 2016 at 7:37 am

      No problem! Learn how to say no but don’t ever change. 🙂

      1. Reply
        The Femme Lifestyle
        January 30, 2016 at 5:02 pm

        Its funny you say that, a recent situation had me thinking I should start being a little bit colder, but love conquers all. Great Advice!

  3. Reply
    Krisha
    June 20, 2016 at 7:06 am

    Thank you for this right on time post (More like, I found this right on time); I think I was on my 250th attempt on being cold-hearted. But, I’d rather give a cold-shoulder rather than have a cold heart. Thank you so much again for speaking and writing on this; This was a much-needed & encouraging guide and also, a reminder. God bless you with many hugs and kisses!!

  4. Reply
    Leanne
    July 2, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    I really needed to read this. Great tips and great reminders. I’m always saying when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time, but if I like them I always get sucked into giving them the benefit of the doubt. So keeping in my your tips I’ll be making adjustments but I won’t be changing completely.

  5. Reply
    Leanne
    July 2, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    I really needed to read this. Great tips and great reminders. I’m always saying when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time, but if I like them I always get sucked into giving them the benefit of the doubt. So keeping in my your tips I’ll be making adjustments but I won’t be changing completely.

  6. Reply
    Kourtney
    September 2, 2016 at 11:24 pm

    You really spoke to my soul! This is me pretty much in a nutshell. I’ve felt all those emotions before and it sucks. Loved your insight and I’ll definitely keep your tips in mind.

  7. Reply
    Bunmi
    October 18, 2016 at 12:14 pm

    Honestly, this post hits home hard! Definitely glad I read your post! I sometimes feel like I’m way too sensitive, ask too many questions because of my curious mind but this has taught me it’s ok to be sensitive, loving and emotional. Love this post

    http://bumascloset.wordpress.com .

  8. Reply
    Kelly
    October 31, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    I cried my heart out reading this.
    I read this while my heart júst got ran over again.
    This post.. I have no words for it. Thank you so much !

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