Self-Love

That Awkward Moment When You Become Too Dope To Be Loved

india

What do you get when you take a woman in her 20s with strength that blows your mind, grace that gives your heart the weight of a feather, love pure enough to correct your wrongs, and no desire to depend on a man? A single woman. Any man reading this is wondering where he can find her, but I’d bet any amount of money that same man already have but convinced himself that she was out of his league. He told himself that there was no way she’d take him seriously or say yes if he asked her on a date. He told himself that he had to get his money right before even stepping to her. He told himself that he had to get his shit together or he’d just be bringing his own bullshit to her life. If you’re this kind of woman in a world full of IG models, netflix and chill, and beauty but no brains, you might be too dope for him. However, it’s not because of your strength, grace, and love or even the fact that you’re independent. It’s because you were born in a generation where those things don’t get as many compliments as a beat face or a scammer buying his first loft yet you made sure those things were a part of who you are anyway. Now you have something that can’t be found anywhere else. You offer something that will be missed if lost. You stayed true to yourself in a generation where everything fake is glorified. The problem is:

For 17 years, I watched how an independent woman moves. I watched how she took care of herself and those around her. I watched how men loved the fact that she didn’t need them. I watched how she did everything with class and grace. I watched how effortlessly she killed everything she put her mind to. For 17 years, my mom showed me the beauty in standing on my own two feet. Before I was able to buy a drink, I was buying a foreign car with the coins that I worked for and saved. Depending on a man never crossed my mind because that wasn’t what I saw growing up. I saw a woman handling her business and always reminding herself, “Failure is not an option.” When my mom passed, I started to move the way she used to. I became the very thing that makes a boy run and hide around the corner to check himself in the mirror and make sure his shit is straight. He’d either come back when he became a man or come back with excuses that always said I was “too” something. Too this or too that. When I realized my love requires reciprocation from a certain kind of man and I realized a lot guys my age won’t be that kind of man any time soon, I had tunnel vision and the only thing that was at the end of that tunnel was me.

black_teen_couple2010-medI see people my age getting married, having kids and starting their families before they even take time to figure out why God put them here in the first place. While I, on the other hand, have become so wrapped up in my purpose that I almost forgot falling in love was a real thing.

 I know how it feels to genuinely love yourself before you love anyone else. I know what it feels like when you know exactly who you are. I also know how it feels to actually WANT to be that person every time you wake up in the morning to start your day. I know how it feels to live a life that is 100% controlled by your wants and desires and not restricted to a 9-5. To be able to chase your dreams full time in your 20s is one thing, but to be in love with who you are at that age makes you extraordinary.

tumblr_mzf1ksgJU91rokoveo1_400So here I am. I’m what you get when you take a woman in her 20s with strength that blows your mind, grace that gives your heart the weight of a feather, love pure enough to correct your wrongs, who lacks the desire to depend on a man. I’m what you get when you choose yourself and your passion instead of likes on IG and validation from others. Even in a room full of twin eyebrows, fake perfect tits, fake designer, money that doesn’t belong to the person who posted it and everything else that’s butter in the world, me and the women and men like me are still the guns. Ladies, be thankful that most of the guys don’t last a whole month without making their exit with a note on the table that reads, “give me more time to become the man you want.” Guys, be happy that she tells you she isn’t looking for anything serious right now but gets in a new relationship the week after. When you become too dope to be loved by just anyone, the people who can’t give you the love you want will do the work for you; they’ll eliminate themselves and make room for the ones who can. The problem isn’t that people aren’t eliminating themselves. The problem is you’ll have to wait a little while to meet someone who’d still choose what matters over what will get the most likes to claim their spot.


Thanks for reading!

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