The dating world is rough. With more than 7 billion people on the planet, being alone can feel crushing. Being single myself, I’ll start this post with a message for the lonely hearts out there:
Now that we’re all on board, I’ll pivot and talk to the ladies. You’ve just met a guy, and he’s uh-mazing. I mean really uh-mazing. You met at the bar downtown last Friday night and I mean sparks just flew. He smiled, you smiled. He laughed, you laughed. And this time, this time, you think you’ve found someone willing to go the distance. But the problem is, you think he’s the one, but how do you know for sure? Truth is, most of the time it’s painfully obvious if a guy like-likes you. We’re not a very subtle gender, and in truth my last relationship began with me asking her if she would marry me. So yeah, we’re not exactly good at hiding how we feel. But the real question is not really if he’s “into” you or not, the question is if he only wants to get “into” you. So, to help you ladies figure this out, I’ve decided to make a quick list of things that should give you a hint as to whether or not he really likes you.
So You Think You’re The Booty Call: Alex’s Short Guide To The F**k-Boy
If he only texts/calls you at night then girl, he’s just not that into you.
This is the literal booty call stereotype, and if this is your case, then you can stop reading right now as I’ve just answered your question. But seriously, this one shouldn’t be a surprise and there are going to be a lot of guys who just want sex. This isn’t totally a bad thing because it’s nice to feel “wanted” and girls want sex just as much as guys do. However, don’t expect him to show up to brunch with your mom the next day because…he’s just not that into you.
If he doesn’t hang out with you and his friends at the same time, then girl, he’s just not that into you.
If a guy brings around a girl to a hang out, or another time which would otherwise be reserved for a gathering of close friends, then he’s pretty serious about her. He wants his friends to meet her, and vice-versa. He wants to integrate her into his life, and subsequently the friend group which he holds dear. If he only ever wants to hang out alone, then chances are he wants to keep you and his friends separate because…he’s just not that into you.
If he puts off dates and doesn’t offer a different time to re-schedule, then girl, he’s just not that into you.
Trust me, if he really likes you, he’s going to find a time to go out with you. There is no one in the world who cant spare two hours at some point in their schedule to eat dinner, everyone’s gotta eat right? And this isn’t to say that if he skips out on a date that he’s not into you. Things happen. But if he lets that be and doesn’t even try to re-schedule without you insisting on it, then I’m sorry, he’s just not that into you.
If he doesn’t initiate conversations, or in the conversation he initiates, he always seems to /want/ something from you, then girl, he’s just not that into you.
A boy smitten, is an EXTREMELY talkative creature. He’ll want to talk about everything with you, and most noticeably, he’s going to want to talk about you. I know if I’m into a girl, I’ll be into her inbox! Okay that was bad, but truly, if he’s interested, he’s going to text you, (and not just late at night). He’ll text you to see how your day went, or maybe about an inside joke you share- you know, things to keep him relevant and present in your daily life. If you find yourself having to force conversations out of him, or if the conversations he starts always begin with a variation of “Yo you still up, wanna come over?”, he’s just not that into you.
Hopefully any piece of this advice helps you confused lovers out there, but remember: there are always exceptions to the rule, and every guy is different. Sometimes the best way to know if he’s into you is just to ask him and not to consult a blog post written by some dude who once gave a girl his number on a napkin followed by “Call Me Maybe?” You live and you learn.
Alex Katz is a Life in a Pile contributor who enjoys Piña Coladas, getting caught in the rain, and eating the last slice of pizza.