I remember when I was in HS my mom would always say, “it’s okay to like more than one person.” My mom was a Pisces and I’m a Taurus so our outlook on love and relationships was a little different and she would always notice how caught up I’d get in one guy. 16-20 year old Candice didn’t have it in her to crush a lot because she always had a goal when she had feelings for someone and it was to be in a committed relationship. Hell, in my head you were my boyfriend. Why else would you make me like you if you didn’t want to be my boyfriend, stupid boy?! But now that I’m older, I realize that’s not how shit works and it’s actually rare to end up with every person you have feelings for. Whether it be because you guys are on two different pages or because you’re just aware that he/she isn’t the type of person you can actually picture yourself marrying, you start to realize
People are probably reading this with 16-20 year old Candice mentality like, “what? this is stupid. Why would you like someone you don’t want to be with?” It’s less about what you want and more about what you need. Because the heart will always want what the heart wants, sometimes you have to use logic instead. I love my ex. Do I ever want to be committed to him again? Hell no and that doesn’t take away from the fact that I love our friendship and things about him that I probably won’t find in anyone else. I’m just very aware that if we both keep going in the same directions we’re going, we’ll never end up in the same place. I recently liked someone. Did I want to commit to him? Nope. Because I realize I’m too focused to not be with someone who’s just as focused. Does that mean I didn’t genuinely like him? No, it just means I cared more about the bigger picture. The older I get, the more I realize what commitment actually means. Real commitment means all your wants and needs are to be granted by your partner and your partner only and that includes when you’re bored and/or need attention. If I like you and don’t want to commit to you, 9/10 it’s because you’ve shown me you won’t be able to provide majority of my wants and needs. Does the heart give a fuck about stuff like that? nope, which is why there’s a difference between liking someone and actually wanting to commit to him/her in the first place.
At 23, I also see how many options I have. I see all of the different routes I can choose over a relationship at this age. I can say, “actually, I’d rather focus on me.” I can say, “actually, I’d rather focus on my coins.” I can say, “actually, I’d rather focus on remaining focused” and I can say all of those things while have feelings for you. I have never been the one to run from commitment. I have never been the one to choose something over being in a relationship and being in love. It’s actually scaring me a little because I’m emotionally and mentally in a place I’ve never been before. But what’s scaring me even more is that I like it. I like choosing myself all the time. I like choosing my brand most times and I like choosing you only sometimes. If I agree to commit to you, I’m in it for the long run. I’m riding until the wheels fall off then getting out and hopping on your back. It’s easy to find someone to like. It’s not that easy finding someone who you’re willing to commit to despite all of the other options you have as a 20-something. The difference between liking someone and wanting to commit to him/her is knowing that you’ll always choose the option of being in a relationship with that person over everything else.
Thanks for reading!