The Loveless Teaches You To Love Less

It’s long, but read it all please. Im trying to save the world here. lol

Before I typed this, I sat and wondered if singers and rappers get the internal flame when it’s time to write. That flame that doesn’t go away until they put their thoughts on paper, or the Notes app. I had that feeling with this post. I know Twitter has overused “self-love” which kind of takes away from its importance, but I need people reading to understand how not loving yourself or trying to love someone that lacks self-love ends up in confusion and disaster. How loving them makes you want to love less because all they knew how to do was hurt you in return. Self-love is like the wonders of the world; once you discover it, you want to show everybody and help them get to it so you can see their face light up the same way yours did when you first experienced it. It’s a solo journey; there’s only room for one. You know those seats in buggies we used to sit in when we went to the grocery store? Your older sister or brother had to sit in the back with the food or walk because both of you couldn’t fit in that one small space. You had to hold it down all by yourself. That’s the simple version of your journey to self love.


People think words like, “no” or “I don’t want to” means they’re being mean. No, it means you’re making sure you remain happy despite anything and anyone else. Saying yes when you really wanted to say no means you’ve cheated yourself. Doing something that you didn’t want to just for the sake of not looking like the bad guy means you’ve cheated yourself. Beating around the bush, talking in circles, all of that is a weakness. Speak your mind. EXACTLY what’s on your mind. Not something that’s similar to what’s on your mind. My pet peeve is when someone laughs while trying to talk about how something or someone made them feel. “You hurt my feelings lol” “I didn’t really like how you did that lol” “that situation was fucked up lol” what the fuck is so funny about someone/something hurting you? SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST MF. Say, “handle me this way or don’t handle me at all.” “talk to me this way or don’t talk to me at all.” Stop thinking it’s selfish to put your happiness first. Idgaf if you love your friend or boo with every organ in your body. You’re the prize, & when you prove you love yourself enough to know that, they’ll start treating you like they won the lottery just because they’re a part of your life. Being in your life is definitely a privilege & privileges definitely get taken away. You don’t get disrespected because that person is a dickhead. You get disrespected because your actions said, “it’s cool. disrespect me. I need you more than I need to be happy anyway” and because we’re only human – your friend, foe, or kin will dance with the power they have over you . Plan to stay down, but prepare to walk away if need be. 


Apparently there’s a new trend on IG and Twitter that has everyone putting king and queen in their usernames. That’s completely fine. Im here for it. The only problem is too many people that aren’t kings and queens YET are doing it. I only see a bunch of inflated egos looking for validation. I declared myself a queen when I was ready to act accordingly. Going off on people that crossed me, throwing low blows during arguments because I was hurt, expecting everyone to love me to make up for the lack of love I felt, I had to grow out of that before I could call myself a queen. I didn’t want to be the one to water down what it meant to be royalty & I see that happening so much on these social networks. Twerk videos, bashing baby fathers, bashing women, etc. that’s not king and queen behavior. Y’all look just like the picture – goofy with a “crown” on. Once again, becoming a queen/king is a solo journey. For some reason, guys think they’re automatically kings. No. That’s another flaw of society. You have to have respect for yourself, body, time, energy, etc. to declare such a thing. Kings uplift women, not bash them. Even if she’s a “thot” because everyone knows only the love of a real man has the power to inspire, motivate and discipline a woman. If a woman YOU fuck with or used to fuck with is a “thot” to you, that says more about you than her.


If you’re comfortable with being in a toxic situation for the sake of having a situation at all, you dont love you; you love the loveless and when it’s over you’re gonna love less. You’re gonna be mad at the world, mad at love, mad at the happiness around you, mad at yourself. Your heart will turn cold. Your guard will go back up, your trust will fade. You’ll be the tin man. All because you wanted to be superman and save the ones that werent equipped to love you back. Now you’re the one that needs saving.


Another thing I noticed about people that don’t love themselves is they like to play the blame game. It’ll be everyone’s fault but theirs that they’re single and unhappy. It’ll be their exes fault for not seeing what great person they are. Despite the fact they have 5 exes who dont know each other but all ended up feeling the same way about them. You’re a great person that fell victim to heartbreak. CUT THE SHIT. You hate yourself so much you think there’s no room for improvement. You hate yourself so much you think you’ve reached your highest potential and you’re completely incapable of getting any better. You feel like you’re the best you can possibly be and you’re disappointed with the “final” result. OH. Those equipped with self-love knows there’s always room for improvement. They know that the person they are today can’t compare to the person they’ll be years from now. Those that truly love themselves know that sometimes they’re fucking single because they need to get their shit together. They know they’re great, of course, but they’ll be better for someone else when the time is right.


People that have their own self-love issues are gonna be offended and intimidated by the love you have for yourself. If you’re not there yet, they’re gonna call you cocky, conceited and every other synonym in the book to make you feel like you’re doing the most when you do get there. But why do the least when it comes to YOU? I remember when I finally declared myself a queen & really felt like one I stopped entertaining the same type of guys. I stopped doing shit for people that I really didn’t feel like doing. I stopped worrying about how I came off to people, etc. This is how a convo went between my ex-best friend & I:

Her: Girl, you just need to build-a-nigga. You cut niggas off so fast.

Me: Cause they’re not who I want.

Her: Girl, you and this queen shit. Get off your pedestal.

& then….I knew our friendship would come to an end soon. A queen wouldn’t tell another queen that she should lower her standards. That’s she’s doing too much because she know what she deserves. That she’s single because she doesnt entertain bullshit. No shade, but she’s a teen mom in the most toxic relationship I’ve ever heard of. So I concluded that she’s in a relationship because she’s the complete opposite of me. She got chose, while I do the choosing. She doesn’t mind being disrespected, as long as she’s taken. Self-love is irrelevant when she has the faux love of a man. That’s not me. I now decide who deserves my love because a man doesn’t decide for me just by telling me he loves me. As a woman that loves every single thing about herself, I know three words aren’t enough to make me love him back.

slpost4I wrote this to reiterate that loving yourself is fucking IMPORTANT, VITAL, AND MANDATORY. & being able to recognize those that lack self-love? a gift that saves you from broken hearts that turn cold. I asked someone if they loved themselves (I’m a psych major, don’t ask lol) and he told me he “wasn’t all the way there yet.” Because you thought not loving yourself was a “girl thing” right? I know earlier I said it was a solo journey, but you have to have GOD driving the car, and when that breaks down. Get out and walk with him hand in hand. Do anything to keep going but don’t stop until you love yourself 100%. Until you can tell the mfer that keeps hurting you to fuck off. Until you can tell that person that keeps asking for rides and money to get the fuck out of your face. Until you can leave a situation you haven’t been happy in in years. Until you can leave the woman that keeps disrespecting you. Until you can leave the man that doesn’t admire you. Until you can cut your friend of 10 years off because they’ve completely gone down a different path that clashes with yours. Until you dont feel bad about putting your happiness first. People will label it cocky, people will say you’re doing too much. But remember that people fear what they don’t understand. How can you understand the power of self-love if you’ve never felt it? It takes a lot out of you to pour yourself into a completely empty person. It literally drains you & afterwards, you won’t love the same. Love those that love themselves and let those that don’t travel that journey alone. Because if you go along for the ride, you’ll be the only one to get hurt. Self-love is the 8th wonder of the world. It’s been discovered, and I hope this post will help you make the first steps; I want to see your face light up the way mine did when I finally reached it.

Thanks for reading! Email me about anything:


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1 Comment

  1. Reply
    Layla A. Reaves
    August 28, 2015 at 5:49 am

    Oh. My. Gosh. Are you sure you weren’t a fly in the wall in my last relationship?!! Smh. ALL of this hit home, especially this part, “People that have their own self-love issues are gonna be offended and intimidated by the love you have for yourself.” I realized that my ex had self-esteem issues after the fact, but I’m glad I got out of that situation! While I still have a ways to go on my self-love journey, I see that I’ve come a lot farther than most. Smdh. Thanks for the great read! xoxo

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