We’ve heard it a thousand times. Probably read it 10,000 times. Some guys “aint shit,” we get it. But what lands a guy in that category? Some girls will go down a list of the things he don’t own like a car and a crib and some will simply talk about how he can’t stay faithful to save his life. In my opinion, an “aint shit” boyfriend is someone that makes you feel JUST LIKE THAT. He’s capable of making you feel like you’re not shit to him; your feelings are irrelevant and so are your needs. You compete with other girls, you fight them, you threaten them, and he constantly has you doing his job – proving to people that he’s in love with you. However, I believe every girl can benefit from the “aint shit” boyfriend experience because it can make her a better woman than any experience with a nice guy can.
You’re probably like, “I have a daddy. I know how to be loved.” Let’s clear this up now: you being in a healthy relationship has nothing to do with your old ass daddy. That’s a myth. I am a firm believer that the best teacher is experience. Your dad can tell you HOW you should be loved but when you meet a guy that you feel like you have a connection with, has goals, cute face, etc. you’re not pulling out a list of things your daddy said he should and shouldn’t be doing out of your bra on every date. In my opinion, daddy’s girls get caught up more than “fatherless” girls for the simple fact that any little thing that reminds them of their father? They magnify it and start hearing wedding bells. They cling to toxic relationships longer because, once their boyfriends do one thing that daddy said he should be doing, they start painting happily ever after pictures. “Fatherless” girls are more likely to have a guard up, and they have no “great” father to compare their potential dude to so she takes him for who he is and what he’s about and with trial and error, she gets better with character judgment each time. My point is, every girl is capable of falling head over hills for a guy that wouldn’t even give a damn if she had sex with his best friend because he’s been plotting on hers. Stop thinking aint shit boyfriends are a result of “daddy issues” when it’s only a result of being ignorant to what’s best for you. Plot twist: Not even daddy is 100% sure of what’s best for you.
Let’s be honest. When you was with your “aint shit” boyfriend 9.5/10 you was a BIRD – a ratchet ass, loud ass, always ready to fight ass, my man cheat on me but I stay with him to look like I won ass, bird. You know why? Because “aint shit” people can only bring out the worst in you. What “aint shit” person you know, male or female, is capable of making you better? There’s no motivational talks. No talks about dreams. No “go get them tiger’s.” Just, “let me see your phone” arguments every 5 mins and negative vibes. Think about your first relationship with a person that had nothing to offer but still had the nerve to play with your feelings. You couldn’t have felt confident because you weren’t happy. You couldn’t have felt peaceful because you were stressed all the time. You couldn’t have felt like you were full of life because you were constantly pouring your energy into someone that was ok with draining you. You couldn’t have felt courageous because you was on a team with someone that was so eager to be your opponent. Now think about how and who you were when it was over. Most likely your standards were raised and you didn’t entertain anyone that was anything like your ex because even the thought of settling again gave you a headache. You was now out of your bird stages and walking into womanhood.
Believe it or not, most men learn how to truly love a woman by hurting one. & most women learned how to be loved by a man by having being hurt by one before. People never take into consideration that there’s growth in failed relationships. There’s lessons learned. Self-awareness. Self-reflection. Self-love journeys. All kind of shit that makes you an overall better person. How would he have learned how to love a woman if he didn’t know how hurting one made him AND her feel? At the end of the day, everyone is human and everyone has feelings. No matter how many times he tweet “money over bitches,” he has a heart & probably feels like shit if he’s the reason for his woman’s constant unhappiness. He doesn’t want to feel that guilt again, so he learns from his mistakes and treats his next woman better. As far as the woman that left him…how would she had learned what love really is if she didn’t experience what it’s NOT? I look at it like this: when we’re born, we don’t know a damn thing. Everything is taught. We learn from people, experiences, situations & feelings. If you think you’re winning because you’ve only dated “good” guys, you’re actually doing the opposite because technically that would mean you don’t know shit about yourself. Your weaknesses haven’t been exposed, therefore you haven’t faced them. Your flaws haven’t been on display, therefore you haven’t felt the need to fix them. Your self-esteem hasn’t been tested, therefore you don’t know what it means to still practice self-love when everything you know is trying to break you down.
What I’m NOT saying is go to aintshitharmony.com and find you the first person that’ll shit on you. What I AM saying is..if you’ve already had the experience of the “aint shit” boyfriend, be THANKFUL instead of bitter. Consider him the best boyfriend you’ve ever had because he showed you things about yourself that you would’ve, otherwise, never knew existed. He showed you what you need to work on. He showed you what you will tolerate and what you won’t tolerate. He showed you what type of man you deserve. He made you stronger by breaking you down and forcing you to rebuild yourself on your own. He played a role in the creation of who you are today even if he didn’t mean to. But most importantly, he prepared you for the man you’re supposed to be with but that’s only if you look at him as a lesson instead of something you failed at. The good guys are like the hidden treasures in a video game; you have to conquer a few villains until you’ve completely gained enough strength, courage, patience, understanding and all the other good shit needed to unlock the treasure – him. & with that being said:
Let’s have a toast for the douchebags.
Thanks for reading!