Three years ago, I was unable to do the one thing I love most – create. I remember sitting down at my art desk to come up with ideas for paintings but nothing would stick; they either didn’t look good enough or was plain ugly. Creating art that I didn’t love led to time and materials wasted, which can be expensive for any artist. I would always doubt myself saying, “maybe the art world just isn’t for me anymore” or “maybe I’m just not good enough for this particular field” even though I knew in the back of my mind that I was more than good enough. Whether it was my career or obtaining my educational degree, I was always somewhere trying to convince myself that I didn’t have what it took to reach my goals. Eventually I realized that my problem was not my skill. The relationship I was attempting to have with someone was what was draining energy away from both me and my craft. People in bad relationships tend to realize this early on but that wasn’t the case with me. I was often called dumb, a fool and naive for valuing the relationship I was in. I was so focused on keeping my significant other happy that I didn’t realize he was stealing all of my joy; he was blocking my creative juices from flowing, which put my business at a standstill. One day, after listening to him give me a million excuses served with a side of confessions, it finally clicked in my head that it was time for me to be happy again – without him. It was time to make myself, my feelings and my art a priority and put the relationship on the back-burner. For most, this would be common sense but love has always been something that has blinded me. Love has always been something that I was willing to fight for. I told myself, “I guarantee if you find the strength to leave, you can take all that positive energy you’re trying to give to him and use it on your artwork. I can almost guarantee you’ll blow and you’ll do more than great.” And that’s just what I did. My craft improved, I was full of joy, and I was creating paintings I loved again. I can still remember the days when I didn’t even want to get out of the bed but those days are long gone now.
If you’re in a relationship that is stunting your growth or blocking your blessings, I would advise you to focus more on your goals and less on the person causing your unhappiness. Don’t get me wrong, it is ok to fight for who you love if that person is showing you that they love you. However, if that was the case, you wouldn’t feel like the relationship was draining you in the first place. Sometimes things can’t be fixed. Despite how many good things you may do for them or help them with, a broken person will only take advantage of you. There are a lot of people, including your toxic significant other, who may be jealous of you and what you do; they only want to see you hurting because they know while you’re hurting, you’re not working. Be overprotective of your heart – everything you do still flows from it.
Keara, also known as KD, is the owner of Delux Designs (DE), LLC. Painting on a regular basis and providing graphic deign work to the public, she has hopes of owning her own art gallery one day.